Thank you for a fine three months and much hard work. Keep reading boys.
p.s. I apologise if you have written something that I have not read or commented on, if this is so, it will be because it is published privately or I have accidentally overlooked it. Please make this known and it will be my pleasure to read on. Well done to you all.
“To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.”
W.B.
March 27, 2015 at 1:51 pm
An interesting topic to explore Andres. Try to have a variety of different ideas to support your main premise. You may need to restructure your opening question in your title.
1. You have joined some of your sentences with a connective when the sentence itself should be joined to the previous one.
2. Some errors with capital letters being used mid way through a sentence.
March 30, 2015 at 8:11 pm
Hi Andres,
http://andres.community.edutronic.net/igcse-coursework-writing-to-describe-1/
At the moment you descriptive piece is on a D1 25/40. There are many strengths to this piece.
Targets for improvement.
1. Avoid using too much speech dialogue. It is better to describe the thoughts of the protagonist in a lot of detail. Use your five senses to describe the feelings and thoughts of your protagonist after being left by his love.
2. Use emotive and descriptive language to describe the pain that he feels. There is far too much speech dialogue. If you want to use speech dialogue then you must use speech punctuation correctly.
3. The third paragraph is the strongest as you have explored the surrounding and how he feels. There is a good balance between the descriptions of his surroundings and how he feels internally. Try to do this throughout the piece.
4. I liked this part – Alone she laid in her bed wishing he was right beside her. ‘’Things happen for a reason’’ she said while staring at her old pictures. Her voice was silent and quiet, she could pretend to hear his voice but at this point it was just too late. – but it needs to be fleshed out. Add layers of detail.
Let me know if you need any help. I have unlocked the post so you can edit it.
Kindest regards,
Ms Pinto